The Darling Files 005 // Live Love Laugh?
Usually I write in my journal expecting those words to be throw away garbage. Often they are.
But sometimes I’m still thinking of that garbage years later. That’s when I know it’s worth sharing.
2021 me didn’t know I would need that garbage today. I love it when I surprise myself.
Check your old journals. There just might be some darlings you need today. Put them into the world and share them with Callie and I! New to this project? Learn more here!
Journal entry October 8, 2021:
Why the f@#k am I crying? Is this cathartic? Am I just depressed? Why do these feelings just show up when I thought I was doing so well? I’m tired of looking for silver f@#king linings. I’m tired of chasing lights and other bull shit like that.
I just want to feel better. I want to love on my children. I want to laugh with my friends. I want to live my life and feel good. Just good, not amazing. Good is fine.
F@#K! I just f@#king wrote Live. Laugh. Love.
D**mitit. Live f@#king laugh love.
F@#k!
Maybe it’s not such a bad phrase.
February 20, 2023
I’ve wanted to write about this moment ever since I wrote it in my journal one emo day back in 2021.
In fact, I have proof. I texted it to my friends as soon as I wrote it down.
I don’t remember what I was having a hard time with that week. And really, does it matter? Whether small or big, sometimes we just need to pull those sad, depressed, bitter feelings out of our minds, through our pen, and spit them out on paper.
Writers know of the importance of morning pages. It’s a chance to practice writing, to build a habit. But more importantly starting the day clearing your thoughts leaves room for better focus on creating the things that matter.
So often, though, I complain to my writing instructors that I feel like I’m 13 writing in my diary again.
But is that so terrible?
I’m sitting in a season of uncertainty. Nicole Gulotta would call this liminal space–the transition between two different spaces, or states of being. This stage is haaaaard for me. I like to feel grounded. I love a weighted blanket for that very reason. I easily get motion sickness. Give me a home and I’ll thrive.
My home is blurry right now.
Looking back on this journal entry, I’m reminded what I need in the liminal space. My pen, my paper, my words–that is my home. Even in depression and confusion, or maybe joy and elation, I always feel at home when I put my words down.
A couple years ago I stayed in an airbnb with some friends. The home was lovely but we joked that the decor came from the same aisle at Hobby Lobby–every wine pun sign imaginable plus one of those Live Laugh Love metal signs. I’m not sure who coined that phrase…just kidding…as soon as I typed that I knew I needed to google it.
“Live, Laugh, Love” is a motivational three-word phrase that became a popular slogan on motivational posters and home decor in the late 2000s and early 2010s…The phrase is an abridged form of the 1904 poem “Success” by Bessie Anderson Stanley which begins:
He achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much.
Thanks Wikipedia.
But the thing about the sign in this house was each word was a separate wall hanging. And when the person hung up the words they read in order “Live, Love, Laugh.” I have never forgotten about that switch. Was it intentional? I don’t know.
Except I’m thinking today about how good it felt to write out my words, how as soon as I noticed what I wrote I laughed so hard. And immediately sent it to my friends who I knew would both laugh, and love on me.
Maybe that’s what I need in my writing at this liminal time.
I need to remember to live into my emotions, however many f-bombs come alongside those words. I need to remember who loves me even through those emotions.
And then I need to laugh. Because laughter does not fix everything.
But f@#k does it feel good.
