Rachel’s All Star Swiftie Team, The Album, The 2021 Version
“It’s odd when I think of the arc of my life, from child to young woman to aging adult. First I was who I was. Then I didn’t know who I was. Then I invented someone and became her. Then I began to like what I’d invented.” ― Anna Quindlen, Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake
Maybe you noticed but I’ve become mildly obsessed with the concept of an album as of late.
Obviously listening to albums from start to finish is not a new concept. The first impression an album ever made on me was with Alanis Morisette’s Jagged Little Pill I received for my 15th birthday from friends in secret because they didn’t think my mom would approve. When I close my eyes, I can still see the CD cover, I can hear the harmonica beginning, and, on an especially emotional day spent emoting in my bedroom, I remember how it ended—with a secret track sung acapella that I remember blasting in my bathroom because I loved the way her aching scream singing echoed off the tile wall. What a way to go in. What a way to go out.
But by the end of the nineties when CD burners gave us the ability to create our own mix tapes from whatever we loved, music listening became about the particular song not the album or the artist. Will I incriminate myself if I mention discovering Napster in 2000 in my college dorm room on my first PC? And yes, I can agree today this was horrifyingly damaging to the artists who created that music, but to me, Napster was magical. At the click of the button I could fill those concrete walls with whatever mood I needed–the love struck tunes of DMB, the hopeful ballads of U2, the angry vibes of Linkin Park. It was no longer about the album but about the song.
I still held on to a few favorite CDs to listen to in my car (including one adorably love sick one Mike made me the summer we were first dating and were apart for three months, a collection that includes both Vanessa Carlton’s “1000 miles” and KC and JoJo’s “All My Life.” Swoon.) But mostly music came into my life from the radio, Pandora, or a Spotify playlist, bouncing around from song to song with no particular reason other than I liked it.
But recently, I’ve returned to considering an album as a full creative story. It started with the Every Single Album podcast discussing the arc of Taylor Swift’s album Reputation from dark and angry at the beginning to light and hopeful at the end, a reflection of how Swift had changed since her last album, and relationship. Then Adele released this Tweet announcing her request to Spotify to take down the shuffle option on her new album.
“We don’t create albums with so much care and thought into our track listing for no reason. Our art tells a story and our stories should be listened to as we intended.”
You had me at story, Adele. That’s when I really understood. Our lives, like an album, tell a story. I had to wonder, then, what is the story arc in the album of my life?
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In my deep dive of the Taylor Swift fandom podcasts, I discovered a fun trend started by the hosts of Every Single Album called a Taylor Swift Song Draft (Skip to 1:09:50 if you want to listen to what I’m talking about.) Essentially you take turns with a fellow Swiftie choosing songs to fill an album of the 10 songs you would want if they are the only Taylor Swift songs to which you could ever listen. At our family’s Christmas gathering, I gathered up my brother Sam, an unashamed Swiftie, and our cousin, Fran AKA Effee AKA very talented music writer and performer (I will brag about her FOREVER so don’t try to stop me) to participate in this group project/battle.
My brother made us Old Fashioneds, because of course. Caroline, my nine year old, filmed us because this felt like the kind of thing we would want recorded, right? (still trying to figure out how to share it with you.) I won the rock paper scissors coin toss so I went first. Obvi I started with “All Too Well,” the 10 Minute Version, naturally. We took turns then, choosing from our favorites list, carefully considering when to choose particular sounds, bemoaning when a song was stolen from our list. My game plan was to choose at least one song from each of my favorite albums (nothing before Red, sorry true Swifties.) I let Caroline choose one (“No Body, No Crime”) and I had to change my final song when I second guessed my choice. In the end, we were all quite pleased with our albums. Mine, in particular, feels like a great combination of fun bops, great song writing, and music that would inspire a good cry.
“Ok, but now what do you do,” Mike asked us as he wandered into our little draft gathering. “Like, how do you know who wins?”
Of course I eye rolled him and said “obviously you don’t get it.” Because he doesn’t. Drafts aren’t about winning. Duh. (Because I know so much about drafts. Woo Hoo! Go sports!) We did consider for a bit about ways to pin each song against one another. Maybe we could play a Cards Against Humanity sort of game where someone gives a mood such as “song to listen to in a break up” or “song to put on when getting ready to go out with friends.” We might still do that game (sounds fun, doesn’t it?).
But ultimately what I decided to do was consider how I would pull my album together to present a story arc. And when I pondered this, I was reflecting on the last year, 2021, as one tends to do at the end of December. Last year, I used Hamilton songs to illustrate 2020. Could I organize these songs to represent 2021?
Of course I could! This was my album after all!
So I present to you, Rachel’s All Star Taylor Team, The Album, The 2021 Version, both as an explanation for why it made my top ten list and it’s part in the story arc of 2021.
So…are you ready for it? No really. That’s where we start.
...Ready for It? (chosen because is this not the best way to open an album after disappearing for a year?)
We begin the year as every album and story should: with a heavy beat and a Fruit You attitude. 2020, step aside. 2021 is coming in hot. Are You Ready For It? This is how I believe many of us launched the new year.We survived a heavy year and we had a vendetta. In the middle of the night in our dreams, 2021 was going to be a good year. it could only go up from here, right?
Getaway Car (chosen because this clip from the Miss Americana documentary still makes me cry every time I watch it. Seriously. I just pulled it up and burst into tears. That thing that happens when you finally get the right words is magical. Ahh!)
By the end of February my kids finally returned to in person learning. Then vaccines were on the horizon and we saw them as our Getaway Car from this pandemic. It was the great escape, the prison break out of quarantine. There were some thinking “this doesn’t mean you can’t still get Covid. We must still be cautious. Children, after all, are not vaccinated.” But while those doctors were runnin’ after us we were screamin’ “go go go!” Plan a vacation! Go visit your family! Do all of the things! Delta variant would catch up with us eventually and remind us this was not all over. It shouldn’t have been such a mystery
Out of The Woods (chosen because I love that Taylor can make a song about anxiety seem both exciting and exhausting. And also when I saw it compared to “Don’t You, Forget About Me” and “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” I totally got why this was an 80s album.)
While we were coming off our high from vaccinations and hugging all of the people, I started to see the close of the school year with a bit of dread. I had had a moment to breath with the children back in school for the last few months. I wondered how all of us being back together again for the summer might impact my mental health. If everything had been black and white before, would we be screaming in color? This is when I decided to set up regular visits with a therapist. I knew I needed some strategies so I could feel like I was in the clear.
No Body, No Crime (chosen by Caroline but approved by me because I have fond memories of driving around listening to this song and the entire Evermore album over and over again in this last year. Also Haim is amazing.)
A song about doing everything you can to stand up for your friend is exactly the song needed to represent our summer. Not only did we do everything we could to make up for a year of canceled plans by taking multiple vacations to Colorado, Alaska, and home to both Wisconsin and Ohio, I was able to meet up for two nights for dinner(s) and a glass (or more) of wine with my dearest friends for the first time in 19 months. Delta threatened us but we weren’t going to let up until, well not until we died but until a positive covid test told us otherwise. Thankfully, no test could prove it. We were exhausted from all the travel but it was worth it. There ain’t no doubt, if summer is meant for fun, I think we did it.
The Last Great American Dynasty (chosen because this is the perfect example of the brilliant storyteller that is TSwift and why I fell in love with the Folklore album)
When I first heard Taylor Swift describing Rebeka Harkness, the woman for which this song is about, I knew she was a woman I wanted to embody. “[The song] is about what happens when women step out of their cages and run. It can be a real pearl-clutching moment for society when a woman owns her desires and wildness…there were marvelous times to be had, and that was more important [to her].” This fall, I stepped out of my comfort zone in a variety of ways. I coached a soccer team and remembered how much I love soccer. I wrote essays that challenged me, took poetry class, got silly in photo shoots. With Leo in school two mornings a week, I had more time to breath and think about what mattered to me. I learned having fun is how I will explore my next phase of life. There were plenty of fails, and there will be plenty more, but I will have a marvelous time ruining everything.
Lover (chosen because this was the first Taylor Swift song I loved, like ever. And this video describing the artistic process is the best peak into Taylor’s writing process.)
In October, I got the chance to go where my lover goes, to be close to him, when he traveled for work to New York City. We galavanted around the city making it our home, making the rules. It was the first time we had left all three of our children EVER and we acted like lovers who had known each other for 20 seconds even though it had been nearly 20 years (next month!). We wished our stay in NYC could have lasted for ever and ever but at least Mike promises to take me home (away from home) in New York again soon.
Evermore (chosen because it’s my most favorite song on the title album, especially that bridge part with Bon Iver, oh. my. gah.)
In a gray day in November, after five months of therapy, I graduated from therapy. I’d been down since July, and actually long before that, but I hadn’t realized it until we started our sessions. With the guidance of my therapist, I replayed my footsteps on each stepping stone,
Trying to find the one where I went wrong. I won’t go into the details, just yet or maybe ever as that story is my own, but I will say my realizations felt like catching my breath for the first time. I have gained awareness that the pain I carried for years won’t be for evermore. I will always and forever be grateful for the work. It was real enough to get me through.
All Too Well, the 10 Minute Version (chosen because, well, do I need an explanation? An incredible song that tells a story and evokes emotion AND can go on for 10 minutes? Need I say more?)
I swore I would never listen to Taylor Swift before Lover. Then I found Reputation, and then 1989, and finally Red was re-released in mid November and I fell hard. So hard I chose three songs from the album, all conveniently capping the end of this album and thus my year. I wondered if I could relate to a break up album, as Red has been described. Come to find out, although I don’t know what it’s like to walk through a tumultuous break up, I know what it’s like to break up with the person you thought you once were to become a mother. I know about those emotions. I remember it all too well. And that’s what I take from Red, and this song in particular. Emotions, memories, strength, beauty, love. It’s all in the becoming of a mother, it’s all in this album, and it’s all in this song. I’ll never be the same again.
The Last Time (chosen because I’ve learned Taylor’s duets are some of my favorite songs and this particular one gets me right in the chest. I still cry every time I sing it.)
At the end of November, the week of Thanksgiving, my two oldest kids received their final covid 19 vaccinations. All roads to ending this pandemic seemed to end here. Vaccines were the thing that would make everything feel better. We should know by now that covid will just keep breaking our hearts in a blink of an eye. Just as we began making plans to visit all of our family for Christmas, Omicron put it’s name at the top of every list. This was not the last time we were asking “why?” Once again, like all the times before, we had to take tests, be extra cautious before we showed up at everyone’s door. It was exhausting. Would this be the last time we saw friends and family for awhile?
Begin, Again (chosen because this song is the perfect end to a break up album, especially one that showcases a new musical direction for Swift. And the moment I heard the song I wanted that phrase in my life…)
We start the next year, 2022, beat up before it even begins from the virus still bringing us down. It’s difficult to have hope with so much unknowns ahead of us. And still, I can’t help but see possibility.
When Mike and I sat down to reflect on the past year and talk about the year ahead, there were many things on our list that we wished had gone better. But what we kept saying to each other over and over was “let’s begin again.” That’s why new years are so refreshing. The things that matter are never broken, burned, or dead forever. There is always a chance to watch that dream begin again.
You will see this phrase “Begin, again” come around more and more for me this year. (Maybe as a Word of the Year??) I think I’ve give you enough words for today so I’ll end here. Because the perfect ending to an album, and story arc, is one that ends with a beginning…
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