I recline on the couch, a warm blanket over my legs and a heavy book in my lap while the two big kids in their pajamas spread out on the floor with colored pencils and coloring pages. We’re reading the final book of the Harry Potter series at the moment. I admit, Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows is an unexpected choice for a Christmas read. The haunting story that felt appropriate when we started in October is less so when paired with jolly old Saint Nicholas in the month of December. 

Tonight, though, by the glow of the Christmas lights against the darkened sky outside the windows, the mood fits. Christmas contains its own magic, too. Besides, it’s Christmas Eve in the chapter we are reading now so the timing feels justified. 

I begin reading with the chapter entitled “Bathilda’s Secret.” I get the feeling that something big is about to be revealed and I’m eager to get into the story. This is not my first read through the series. I know how the story ends. I know Harry survives (Oops. Spoiler alert.) But it’s the middle parts I’m fuzzy about. Each turn of a chapter I find myself more and more curious about how they get to the happy ending. I’m just as engrossed with the story as the children at my feet. 

The problem with getting into a well written story, or maybe the joy of it, is sometimes you get too into the story. You forget to watch out for the plot twists. Maybe it was the cozy blanket, the twinkle of the lights, or the peaceful snowy scene in the story, but I let my guard down. I, like Harry, got so caught up in wanting answers that I forgot about the danger that lurks around every corner in Harry’s world. 

Partway through a paragraph, as if I am watching the story happen in my own living room, I gasp mid sentence and scream. I won’t tell you why in case you are a unicorn who has not yet read the book. But I can tell you it was startling, gruesome actually. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought Harry was a goner. 

My kids both startle at my voice and look up at me wide eyed. Caroline climbs onto the couch snuggling next to me and Elliott follows suit. I’m not sure if they want to be comforted or feel they need to comfort me. “Oh no what is happening! Mommy, you said he would be alright! You said Harry wouldn’t die!” 

“I know! It’s alright. He’s going to be okay,” I promise them, trying to take deep breaths to calm my racing heart. “Just be patient. He survives. I promise.” I say this for myself as much for them.

I don’t know how many times we have had this conversation in the last four years since we started this journey.  With every building tension in each book, they ask me the same question. “Tell me he lives, mom. Just tell me Harry survives.” 

“He does,” I promise each time. 

But now here we are in the final book, and Harry is making it difficult to believe. There is a happy ending, right? Right?

***

One of the projects I have worked on in therapy (it’s so much cuter to call them projects, am I right?) is being more present. I have a tendency to brush aside challenges by saying “well, if I can just get through X then…” or “it will be so much better when it’s Y…” I once thought this was keeping faith. My therapist reminds me that while it might be a hopeful way to view the future, I also need to find a way to address the present. “Notice,” she tells me over and over again. Notice where you are now, in the present feelings and realities. Don’t try to fix it or rush to get it over. Be in the moment and simply notice. 

Advent, on the other hand, seems to ask something different from me. Wait! She shouts in every devotion message. Anticipate! Prepare! Be expectant! 

So how does this fit with my practice of remaining present? I’ve wrestled with this all season. The differing messages conflict in my mind. Do I stay in the moment or do I wait for something better? 

The thing is, what we are waiting for isn’t what I wrestle with. I believe in the whole story God lays out for us in his Word. I believe in the hopeful ending as much as the beginning. That’s actually the easy part for me. It’s not difficult for me to believe in the Goodness of God prevailing above all else. I’m a sucker for a happy ending.

But it’s the middle part of the story where the tension lies. It’s the suffering and the grief and the fear and the mistakes but also the beauty and the friendship and the love. This isn’t a TikTok video. You can’t skip to the good part. You have to stay here, now, be present, pay attention, notice, and yes also wait. But I wonder if the word WAIT is less active than I once knew it to be.

wait /wāt/ verb

1. to stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens.

Stay. My eyes linger on that word. Stay right here, in this story, until something else. This sounds a whole lot like presence.

***

I think of this struggle tonight as we sit together, my children and I, wanting to believe in Harry’s good story, too. He lives, I've been telling them over and over. Harry survives the terror of Voldemort. Goodness will win at the end, just like I always promise. Knowing this helps us get through the difficult chapters. But there’s more to the story I want them to know. There is adventure ahead, and friendship and strength, and, yes, grief, too. But there is also love. That’s really the whole point of the story, the best part of the story. Dumbledore has been telling us about love from the beginning. But sometimes we need reminders to find it. Sometimes we have to read the same story year after year to remember how to believe.  

Sitting here by the light of the Christmas tree, a symbol of light in the darkness, of love that survives even in the harshest seasons, I’m reminded of how believing in the goodness of a happy ending is what helps us stay present in the messy middle, to wait in peace. 

“Keep going mom. We have to finish this chapter.” My children pull me back to the present, to the glowing room and the heavy book on my lap. Their eyes are still wide with hesitation, but also, perhaps, curiosity, like an expectant waiting. They believe me when I tell them it will be okay. But still, they want to know how, they want to know more.  And so I pull them under the warmth of my blanket and we keep reading, uncovering the story together. 

Image created by @phoenixfeatherscalligraphy for C+C, 2021

This post was written as part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to read the next post in this series "Contrast.”
PS. For more words and wonderings from my corner, be sure to sign up for my Raise & Shine Letter! There’s always a good story or two, and lots of artfully curated GIFs.

I think it’s fair to say one cannot celebrate Christmas without the annual Rachel’s Guide for Pairing Toys with Books, am I right?

Every year I have so much fun (and if you’ve read my letter his month you’ll know I’m seeking more fun!) thinking about the little joys that can be paired with great books to inspire my children’s imagination. We often say that a book allows us to get lost in a new world. But I like to think a book brings us back to our present. Stepping in and out of the pages shows us a new way of seeing the world we already have, the one we can touch and see and feel. A story brings our imagination to life. And what better way to remember that then at Christmas!

If you want to make it a Merry Booksmas too, here are few things to think about this year:

1) Let’s do our best to focus as much of the book buying away from Amazon. I can’t quit the Bezos Boss altogether. You’ll see there are still some selections in this guide that include an Amazon link because I just couldn’t find another one. But there are still plenty of ways to find books that support smaller much needed book stores. Bookshop is my favorite place to hunt for books. You can check out my own book shop here for some of my favorites lists like Big kids books, medium kid books, board books, Christmas books, and creative books for me and for kids. I’m trying to add to it as often as I remember.

BTW, this is a great time to remind you when you buy a book through Bookshop from this account, I receive a tiny commission, just enough to allow me to buy more books and let you know about them!

2) Book buying can be expensive if you gift like I do where EVERYONE from my mom to the mail carrier receives a book (not actually, but isn’t that a great idea?!). I’ve discovered Thriftbooks in the last couple of years and I love it. For me, a book only gets better with age. Perhaps it’s why I love the library so much. I love knowing that someone else has poured through the pages and now it is my turn. It gives a book a new life, off the shelf and into hands of a new reader. And books are CHEAP! Most used books are around $5. Plus, if you purchase frequently like I do you’ll earn FREE books. I highly recommend this option.

3) Don’t leave the kid at heart out of this fun gifting experience. Book pairing works great for adults too! Think a great tea to pair with your favorite cozy British read. A beer or wine with a name or image on the wine label that nods to the book. Or maybe a bottle of whiskey with a card from the HL Mencken quote: “I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.” Have fun. Grown ups like fun, too.

Or, even better, pair the book with a bookmark. I love having kids make bookmark designs, or use their pictures in a bookmark. But sometimes we just need to treat our friends, or ourselves, to a specially made bookmark. I’m buying one of these bookmarks to tuck into my own stocking.

Now, let’s get to the gifts, shall we?

Games and books are not a pairing I have done before but a friend mentioned this to me and I love it. Games are a great gift, even more for the parents who might be brain dead sick over the same boring game, or maybe that’s just me.

Outfoxed is similar to Clue for the younger set. It’s actually a game I don’t get bored with. For the bigger set, we have fun with this Harry Potter Clue version. Fun books to pair with this one include Spy School series, Mac B series, & Case of the Stinky Stench for the younger ones.

These assortment of food games like Slamwich, Sushi Go, & Tacos vs. Burritos are great to pair with the endless selection of food books. Some of our favorites include The Silly Food Book, Pizza and Taco, Cookie & Broccoli Kalamata’s Kitchen, Our Little Kitchen, or maybe this new series starting with All Four Stars I found for Caroline about a young baker in competition.

We added Table Top Ping Pong to our house last year making it a perfect winter activity, especially if you have small space. It goes right on your table! Pair it with this fun book This or That which is like a fun fact book version of Would you Rather game. This also could be a great time to introduce a Choose Your Own Adventure book, What Would Danny Do books for the newer reader, or a You Choose book for the youngest ones.

Missing the beach? Kinetic Sand is a great way to visit the beach in the middle of winter. Pair it with this book Sandcastle Book and you’ll be on the beach in no time.

Building toys might be my most favorite, and most used in our house. If you want to try something new we love these Snap Circuits and any version of this Marble Tower. And this book What We’ll Build by the amazing Oliver Jeffers is the perfect pairing.

It’s no surprise that we have budding writers in this family. These little writing notebooks are ADORABLE (and so is everything in the shop!) They would make a great pairing with a fun pen and some of our favorite writing books for kids like this one Spilling Ink for big kids and this one 101 Story Starters for little kids.

These My Family Builders Stickers are labeled as wall stickers but my kids stuck them to blocks so they can mix and match their own people. Anything from My Family Builders website would be a great pairing with these two books that are some of my favorites about learning about others around the world, This is How We Do It and If you Come to Earth Book.

My kids discovered these Maze Balls and Flexi Puzzles this year, both that make travel fun if you are looking for that. They also had fun borrowing this Turing Tumble coding game from a friend, so much so we had to add it to the Christmas list. I found these two maze books that look like fun for the puzzler in your life, Pierre the Maze Detective and Sleuth and Solve, but any of the detective books would make a good match.

Every year I include some sort of car like these City Vehicles and this Firetruck because cars still remain such a versatile gift in our house. I really just wanted an excuse to include this book Keeping the City Going that I spotted in NYC and I’m eager to add to our bookshelf.

Well that just about wraps it up for this year! (Hey-o!!) Happy Bookmas one and all!

Ahh the middle graders. Big feelings that sometimes seem too big for their not yet big enough bodies. I’m learning this new chapter with my nine year old, Caroline, and I can tell I still have much to learn.

As far as gifts, there also seems to be a challenging middle place. Their interests lie somewhere in the middle between little kid imaginative toys and big kid tech toys. It’s tricky to find what excites them.

With help from my daughter, I rounded up some ideas that hit the happy middle ground, mostly surrounding the joy of creativity and developing their sense of self. I hope you find some ideas for the middle grader in your life.

Creativity is where my nine year Old’s heart lies. If she can make it with her hands, she is in. In fact, I know if she was gifted a giant box of random fabrics and yarn and crafting doo dads she would be in heaven. Pair it with one of these Creativity Books to make a great gift. If you want to go even bigger, consider a Sewing Machine for your little creative. My mom found a used sewing machine that was once used in high school so it was the perfect machine on which to learn. The brand is the Singer 140q and you can find some on eBay. But this newer Singer version looks like a good size too. I was intimidated by teaching her but then came down one night to say goodnight to find her working away at the sewing machine like she has been doing it her whole life. Kids are amazing.

While Caroline is starting to grow out of playing with dolls and imagination (insert cry face emoji), I still find her setting up the dollhouse and sewing clothes or accessories for her dolls. I spotted these Mini DIY Dollhouse rooms and now I want to do one with her! How cute is that library?! The reviews say it is challenging but for patient hands and adult support, it could be a very fun project.

My girl got her ears pierced this year and she seems very sensitive to metal posts. Hypoallergenic earrings can be expensive, but I found these plastic posts on Earrings by Emma with just the cutest designs.

There are some great microphones advertised for the younger crowd, and one is on my nine year old’s Christmas list. But I’m also keeping this Podcast Microphone in mind. She has discovered podcasts this year and is always coming up with ideas of starting one of her own. Who knows, maybe I could get into podcasting too!

When I redecorated Caroline’s room, I was surprised at how excited she got over the art I chose. It reminded me how much kids this age really love creating a space of their own. Art is a great way to do this. These were some of her favorites on Etsy. For the Strong Girl. For the Magic Fan. For the Reader, or this one, or this one.

Friendships are huge at this age. Keeping up with pen pals is more fun with personalized Stationery.

From the same company, we have also fell in love with these paper dolls. Fashion is a new fun discovery for Caroline. Paper dolls are the perfect way to explore this. especially now that the company has just come out with their Coloring Paper Doll Kits.

We love these so much that I entered into a giveaway with Unusual Kind when they released the new coloring paper doll kits and I WON!! I never win ANYTHING!! And I didn’t just win one, I won ALL OF THEM!! So to spread the love I want to GIVEAWAY one packet of your choice plus one of the adorable postcards to one lucky winner!

To enter:

1.) Follow this link to Instagram and like the post.
2.) Sign up for my Raise & Shine letter. And then comment on the Instagram post when you do!

the legalese:
You must be 18+ and a U.S. resident with a valid mailing address to enter. Contest closes at 7:00 PM CST on Sunday, December 5, 2021. The number of eligible entries will determine odds of winning. One winner will be randomly selected and announced on December 5th. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. This contest is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Instagram, Substack, or Squarespace. By entering, you agree to a complete release of Instagram, Substack, and Squarespace.

Can’t wait to send along the love to a middle grader in your life!