Let them be Little
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Last year he stood with two feet on the ground, eyes gazing up, equal parts envy and wonder, at the bigger kids climbing high into this tree like giant squirrels.

“I want to do that.” He whined. He wanted me to pick him up. That was a clear no for me. For one, I was giant pregnant and I said no to a lot of physical demands on my back. But also we have a standing rule that if you can't climb up on your own, you aren’t ready.

“Next year maybe you'll be big enough for that too.”

“Next year” to a 3 year old is further than the moon. It’s further than Christmas or their next birthday. It might as well just be a no.

And yet here we are, a trip around the sun later and I hear a shout “hey mom” from behind my shoulder as we play at this familiar playground.

Well look who is up in that tree.

This is where I should say “Darn these kids they grow up so fast.” But that’s not what I was thinking as I looked up in that tree.

I was thinking how little he looked.

Here I was watching him do something that only “big kids get to do” and yet in that towering tree, with his tiny hands gripped around the branches, his sweet face set and determined to watch his balance, he looked so little to me.

A four year old is in fact very little.

But how quickly we forget that.

Especially when a younger needy little one comes along, it is so easy to will these medium sized children into being bigger than they are.

We advertise “big kid” roles for them like a blog influencer. Wow, look how cool this big kid thing is! Don’t you want to be big? Look at all the things you can do when you are big!

We then expect them to behave a certain way, to pick up on the lessons we seem to be drilling into their little minds on repeat.

He had another accident. She never remembers to turn in her folder. He is STILL not crawling.

Grow. Grow. Grow. Get big. Move on. What’s next.

This year in my practice of the word Begin, I told myself I wanted to sit with the notion of being a beginner. I wanted to be ok with not having made it yet, but still trying.

I believe I need to extend this gratitude to my little ones too.

// 

She turned to us last night with a big grin on her face like she had some really important news.

“Mom. Dad. I have something to tell you.” 

I stopped listening. Suddenly in a time warp kind of thing I traveled 20 years from now and she was home visiting and she was about to tell us she was engaged. Or moving to South America. Or publishing a book.

”We are learning how to do division.” 

Oh thank God.  I’m back in the room again. In the now. And I’m so relieved.

For in a brief moment she had traveled away from me. I literally blinked and she was 26 and doing adult things. And I had missed all the little parts of life. 

Yes, division is a very big kid thing to do. But still she is little.

They all are.

I’m not telling no myself to stop and enjoy them more because “they grow up so fast.” And I’m not going to feel bad about looking with envy and wonder, much like my four year old at the big kids in the tree, at the mom who seems to have so much more sleep and doesn’t have to wipe as many bottoms because her kids are grown and independent. I’ll be there before I know it, maybe even before I’m ready for it.

But I am going to try to remember that they are little. Everything is still so new to them. They deserve the grace and the time to be little. Grow at their own pace. Try again and again and again.

// 

With tippy tip toes slowly gliding down the branches one by one, he made his way back to the ground where I sat. 

“I’m so Proud of you! You couldn’t do that last year and now look at you.” 

He was beaming with pride. But under that smile I saw his eyes, the ones I use to gaze at while we rocked to bed at night when he was as little as the brother sitting at my feet.  

Ah there you are little one. I’m glad you’re still here.

Raise Your Mom Game // Words from Mom
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Welcome to a series I call Raise Your Mom Game! This is where I share tips and tricks learned from other moms to support us in parenting. It’s not a quick fix, because none of us are broken. We just need a fresh perspective to the everyday struggles learned from the cool parents like you and I.

//

“Mum.” The baby coos to me from his highchair, arms flapping like a baby bird, mouth open like one too.

It’s his new favorite word.

No, I am not raising a little British baby.

“Mum” in his personal baby linguistics is a request for food, of any kind. Some cross between more, yum, and you better give me some of that food before I show you how loud I can scream.

But wouldn’t it be fun if I could convince him to call me “Mum?” I digress.

One of the reasons I have been so drawn to this age of a child is the fascinating look into language acquisition. In some fantastic miracle, little babies learn to take the sounds they hear and turn them into meaning. They develop the ability to form their lips and tongue together in just the right way to repeat those sounds back to you. And then they make sense of it all and start to use words. Real words.

It’s all so incredible.

And highlights even greater reason what this phrase means…

Words matter.

They matter to us as adults navigating the world and seeking better means of communication. But they matter very much to our children who are growing into our world. If our children learn to speak by listening to our words first, then the words we say to them became that much more important.

It only takes one moment of hearing your child utter a four letter word, and I don’t mean Elmo, to realize how very much these children are listening to us. Even when they are not listening to us.

Do we get it right every time? Absolutely not. I’ll be the first to say Amen to that. We’re human. We make mistakes. I make a lot of them.

But sometimes we do get it right. Sometimes we say the words they need to hear. The ones that matter.

I like to think those are the ones that stick.

So instead of focusing on all the wrong words I have used with my children, I want to make sure I give attention to the good ones.

Its from other moms that I have gathered the best words.

For this month’s Raise Your Mom Game series, I am sharing a few phrases I have heard from moms who influence me. Words heard in strong tones during playdates. Thoughtful suggestions repeated from experts. And words from my own mom that I can attest inform my decisions even today.

They are simple yet intentional, which any writer will tell you makes the greatest impact.

“God made you kind.”

We could hear the bickering beginning in the other room. A spat about a toy. Or a turn. Or whatever it is preschoolers and toddlers banter about. It didn’t take long before the two siblings wandered into the room where the moms were gathered whining about who did what to whom and who was right or wrong.

She interrupted them before either had made their point.

“God made you kind. Remember that.”

Defeated, realizing their mom had played her cards and the game was over, they wandered off resuming their play.

God made you kind.

I  like that.

She didn’t reprimand with “Be good boys, now.” She didn’t threaten with “If you don’t stop fighting we are going home.” She didn’t even ask to hear the whole story and try to resolve who was actually at fault.

She simply reminded them that they are kind. The very core of their existence is kindness. And so she knew they could return back to that if they tried.

I found this to be such a powerful reminder for our children. They are not bad. They are not naughty.

They are kind, just the way God made them.

They just need reminders of how to be that. 

“I noticed…”

It was a girls’ weekend getaway and we were debating the many ways we can cajole our children into good behavior. My how these get togethers have changed over the years. We getaway from our children and all we have to talk about is our children.

But best friends are there to walk you through all the messy parts of life, and children are the mayors of that life. Naturally we would turn to them for some help in this area.

She was telling me about a simple phrase she learned in a parenting class, one I hadn’t heard before. Whether you observe your child doing something positive or negative, instead of labeling it, tell them “I noticed.”

It’s like planting a little seed in their head, she said. Letting them know you are paying attention, but then leaving it up to them to discern whether or not that behavior was successful. It acts as a conversation starter.

I noticed you are throwing your toys.

I noticed you put your shoes away.

I noticed you are having trouble putting on your jacket.

With those two words you say a lot. I’m paying attention, not judging or shaming. I see when you do the things I ask. I observe your emotions.

I find this to be such a great way to invite our children to notice their own actions, too. We all need this reminder from time to time. Huh, I’m yelling a lot today. What exactly is going on? Maybe I need to drink a glass of water/go for a run/talk a nap.

Noticing together is a powerful tool.

“This is the day the Lord has made. We shall rejoice and be glad in it.”

I remember rolling my eyes every time my mom said this. It was one of many bible verses she would repeat to us. She was raised Baptist, which means compared to my Lutheran upbringing, quoting the Bible is what she was taught to do well.

There were others. But this one stands out. I could be wrong (and she will correct me if I am) but in hindsight I like to think this was my mom’s way of using a meditative mantra. She could scold us for being whiny. She could shame us into appreciating our privilege. She could have yelled like I do when I’m just so frustrated by all the ungrateful demands by little voices.

Or she could use a mantra in verse that reminds not just her children but herself how to be grateful. I can see her smile when she said this. It was often a forced smile. But you can’t be mad when you smile. It shifts the tone instantly. Who can argue with this verse? This day, in all its crazy starts, is a day made for us. We are lucky to be here. When the negativity starts to surface, it can be a helpful practice to take pause for gratitude.

We use words for ourselves as much as for our children. Words matter to them, but we need to listen too.

Perhaps this is why bible verses and other spiritual mantras are so valuable. They are easily written on our hearts to be accessed when we need them the most. When our own words might come out angry, misunderstood, regretful, peaceful mantras center us.

And they also stick with us.

I might have rolled my eyes (sorry about that mom) but I listened. Here I am, 37 years later, and I can still hear the words my mother shared. I still call on them when I need them most.

Thank you for these words, Mom. And thank you to all the moms, and mums, who share their best words. Our children are listening. But we are too.

I hope some of these mantras work for you.

Share what words you use with your children. Lets add more to the conversation!

ABC Countdown to Summer
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It’s that time of year again. Can you feel it?

We’re almost there. The finish line is drawing ever near.

Soon you won’t be dragging yourself through the rigmarole that is getting children to stop singing and eat their breakfast, convincing them 23 times that they need to get dressed or they will be going to school in only their underwear, negotiating for the fourth time this week why they can’t wear the same sweatpants and too small shirt to school, and OH MY GOODNESS YOUR OTHER SHOE IS RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT IT JUST PUT THEM ON ALREADY WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Just hypothetically speaking of course  

Before we know it the only question we will ask each day is which park should we go to first. And how shall we get there?

The dress code for the day will be determined by which swimsuit is dry.

And if they don’t want to wear shoes, well maybe they don’t need to wear shoes.  

Summer is drawing near and I am prepared to welcome it with open arms! 

How about a little fun with a countdown to summer?

Countdowns are great physical representation for children to anticipate an approaching date. There are many ways to go about this. Opening windows at advent. Unhooking paper chains before birthdays.

Recently I heard about this ABC countdown from the queen of summer herself, Kelle Hampton. I thought it sounded like something my kids would enjoy and also sounded like something I didn’t have to put much thought into. Here is how it works:

You start by counting back 26 days from the last day of school. That day you begin with A, the next day is B, and so on and so forth until the last day you have reached Z and thus Zippidee-doo-dah YOU MADE IT!

How do you represent that letter? Well that is up to you and your energy level. Some days filled with great energy could be an art project or fun activity. But it’s best not to set yourself up for that right away. A simple snack starting with that letter will do. Maybe wearing the color “blue” for B day. Maybe the story you read before bed has to start with that letter. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s the countdown that makes it exciting.

A few things to keep in mind about this project…

  1. When you miss a day (and notice I say “when” not “if” because it will happen) do not fear failure and give up. Figure out where you are and carry on. This is an end of school countdown, not a thesis paper.

  2. It is quite possible you do not have the same last day of school as my children and therefore have fewer days left in the school year. First of all, luck you. Second, you could maybe choose a word or the child’s name and spell that out.

  3. 
This doesn’t have to be reserved for the end of school. Maybe you want to countdown to a vacation you have coming up or a visit from grandparents. Perhaps you want to countdown to the start of school. Countdown are useful tools for many dates to anticipate.

  4. If you have a child in the family who knows their letters, provide them with a calendar, you could draw this up for them if you don’t have one already, and mark the letters on the calendar. Then, instead of being the camp counselor for this activity, invite them to help you decide that day what would represent the letter. This takes zero prep and planning, other than making the calendar. They will have fun thinking about what might represent that letter. And you won’t have to feel stressed about adding one more thing on to your to do list each day.

I decided to go ahead and brainstorm a few ideas for each letter to give me a head start. I would love to see what ideas you think of too! Summer, we’re coming for you in 26 school days!

A…apple snack, acrobatic lessons on the jungle gym, be an author

B…blue day, build with blocks, bike riding, baking day, bubble bath

C…cookies! Cupcakes! Candy! (So much sugar in C.), create, color, cuddle, cars

D…dance party, dig in the dirt, draw

E…eat eggs, eye spy game, do something good for the Earth

F…fishing game, buy flowers, make a family flag, flashlight fun

G…game night, green day, make green goo, grape or goldfish snack

H…hat day, hot dogs/hamburgers, say hi or high five neighbors, hopscotch, hide and seek

I…ice cream, play with ice, hunt for insects

J…juggle lessons, sing jingle bells to school, jumping game

K…kisses for all (with consent!), kick a ball, king for a day, kite flying (or drawing), kiwi snack

L…lollipop, make or hunt for ladybugs, leaf rubbings, lemonade, legos

M…make a mask, m&ms, monster drawing, mustache day

N…necklace making, noodles, night fun, nap (right?), guess that noise game, nail polish, nuts

O…orange, opposite day, ocean,

P…popcorn, pickles, pizza, paint, penny walk, purple

Q…queen for the day, quilt collage (or simply snuggling under one), quacking contest

R…read, red, rock ’n roll, rainbow drawing, rocket play

S…silly socks, sing songs, sand play, superhero, soup

T…trains, tickle, tacos, tic tac toe, tools, tree art,

U…umbrella fun, unicorn, up and down game,

V…vegetables (they will love this one), veterinarian, vehicles,

W…water play, watermelon, weather watch, wheels, worms, web

X…xrays, xylophone music, x marks the spot maps

Y…yellow, yummy foods, yes day, yarn play

Z…zip all of the zippers, zoo fun, zippadee doo dah we’re done!